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Funny Cherokee Ad for Sale

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Both Ed and Phillip forwarded this ad to me. It is pretty funny way to sell a XJ. It was initially submitted to hooniverse.com.

http://enid.craigslist.org/cto/4119280944.html%3C/div%3E

In case the ad gets deleted, here’s the full text and I pic. The jeep is priced at $1750.

1997-cherokee-enid-ok

1997 Jeep Cherokee  (XJ)
220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6
4WD
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
POWER MIRRORS!  Woo Hoo!

$1750

Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee.  This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import.  It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It’s a Jeep.  It rides like a Jeep.  It drives like a Jeep.  All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used.  This will be apparent in the pictures.

If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?

If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

DETAILS:
-I am the second owner.  First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil.  How much?  I don’t know, I’m not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive.  Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil.  How much?  Not enough for me to care.  It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it’s empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it.  I dented it backing into a concrete pole.  Sober.
We drove away giggling, for the record.  Haven’t fixed it.
-Driver’s side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak.  Pinhole.  I can replace the radiator or you can.  Really doesn’t matter
A new radiator and hoses will run $145.  If you don’t want to replace them I will.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle.  This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer).  A freaking bargain.
-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles.  I haven’t upgraded because I had plans:
Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17″ Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
Life got in the way – it ain’t happening.
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay.  My daughter’s idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well.  They kick ass, so there.

QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can’t justify owning it anymore.  Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is:  awesome mechanical artistry.

-What’s wrong with it?
Radiator.  Small oil leaks.  Driver’s side door cosmetic issues.
And it’s pissed it has been neglected and parked.  It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes.  Like a Dickensian Orphan.

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No.  I’m not in the salvage business.  Buy the Jeep.  Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No.  If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car?  Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.

-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
I haven’t had the time to do so.  So I am selling it.

-Can I put a 6″ lift and giant tires on it?
I don’t give a shit.  But be sure to use quality components and for God’s sake – get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell.  Yes.  Not only a good car, a learning experience.  Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in the back for that little bastard she’s dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?
Within reason.  I’d drive it a hundred miles or so.  But really, you should come get it.  Look it over.  Have a beer.  Etc.

-Will you take a check / cashier’s check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No.  I’ll take Cash.  Period.  Bring cash or don’t show.

-Will you ship to -?
No.  See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That’s great, I don’t give a shit.  Unicef ain’t running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
Why?  Because I don’t HAVE to sell this little beauty.  Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell.  Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.

-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.

 

13 Comments on “Funny Cherokee Ad for Sale

  1. Joe in Mesa

    Outstanding ad/rant. Made my day. This guy should run for office: I’d vote for him! I’m forwarding this one to my son… he drove the same vehicle in college and felt the same way about it… almost killed him when he had to let “bocephus” (the jeep’s name) go.

  2. Mike Canup

    I’m keeping this and using it for the next vehicle I have for sale. Think he would take $1200 for it?? HAHA

  3. Colin Peabody

    This is a great ad. The seller is a true Jeep kinda guy for sure. Anyone who reads eWillys can identify with this guy. Probably has posters of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood in his garage, the latest issue of Jp Magazine in his bathroom and a NRA sticker on all his vehicles.

    BTW, Joe in Mesa, I sold the mini Jeep body this morning. Is your company going to let you go back to work now that the dingbats in D.C. have done their thing or ???

  4. Boomer in MN

    I’ve been workin so many hrs this is the first I’ve done e willy in a month!! sorry, BBQ Dave, I DO miss it!!{grammer & spelling cut no ice in this msg} so there…the short part of this ad I read is great; only prob I got is is his “little Cherokee Maiden” {thx Bob Wills} is Fire Engine RED….well, at least it’s not YELLOW!!! for anyone who thinks I’m referring to skin tone, shame on you!! I see people in shades of grey & we all bleed red; anyway, it looks like a humorous ad. Thanks, Dave & my greetings to your lovely {& so patient wife!!} best regards & biggest thanks for this site, Boomer

  5. Doug Duncan

    For those of you not so familiar with Craigslist, there is a way to flag an ad as “Best of Craigslist.” I did so. Follow the link to the original Craigslist ad and click on the “best of” link at the top. This ad deserves it.

    I particularly like the modification to the trip odometer using the spent rifle casing.

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