My father passed away yesterday at the age of 85 after a week of family hospice care at his home of fifty-five years. He’d had a good, full life. The Navy veteran, long time Boeing Engineer, and, after retirement, Home Depot employee, struggled physically after his stroke in 2002, but it never dampened his will or drive.
I took this pic just as the first basketball game started on Thursday. I had no idea it would be the last pic.
Before he passed on Thursday, Dad and I did something we’d never done. We turned on the March Madness basketball tournament at 9:30am and began watching March Madness together. I love basketball, so I thought I could share this with him (and I had control of the remotes). Though he likes sports, he always preferred football more.
Dad could no longer see the TV too well, so I ran the play-by-play scores by him and explained who was playing. He seemed to enjoy it. It was mostly just he and I as we rooted for the underdog teams as we juggled multiple games and channels. But, what he was really looking forward to was the 4pm game, which featured #1 seed Gonzaga, as that was his college Alma Mater.
Gonzaga is a Catholic school, but dad was no Catholic. In fact, I’d only learned the day before that while at Gonzaga, he got As and Bs in everything, except for the Ds he received in the religious classes. That sounded about right to me.
Just after 2pm on Thursday he decided, with his usual certainty and determination, that he was going to stand again and do a couple “pushups” (knee-bends using his walker). He hadn’t been out of bed in a week and a half, so we knew he was pretty week to be attempting this. His heart was only pushing about 20% of normal, due to heart failure, but, as he put it, “Goddammit”, he was going to do it. So, my wife, my mother and I helped him. He proceeded, with our help, to push himself off the bed twice.
By the second push, he was pretty tired, so we put him back into the bed. He immediately asked for my hand. That’s when I knew something was wrong, as he wasn’t one to hold my hand. Then, his breathing started to increase and a concern flashed across his eyes. While we soothed him, we could tell something had happened. He, of course, knew it, too.
The end came quickly and he suffered little. If he hadn’t been in the middle of dying, I am certain he would have appreciated the irony that a little exercise led to his passing, as loved to exercise, mostly lifting weights. Exercise made him feel alive most of his life, but in the end it led to his passing. I doubt he would have wanted it any other way.
We will miss him, but we are universally happy in his death. Between his stroke and increasing heart failure, he was a shell of his former self. At the end, he went out quickly and with dignity at home knowing he was loved (and with some gallows humor about the exercise). He was a good man and got what he deserved: PEACE.
PS…. for the record, Dad and I did share the Gonzaga game, though he showed little emotion as the Zags crushed their opponent, remaining pretty stiff throughout. It was only after the game that the funeral home came for the body. (I’m pretty sure dad is smiling, but shaking his head at me by this point).
Summer of 1981. Dad and I at Milk Lake in the Cascade Mountains jeeping with our Jeep Club
Dad and I in 2013.
That was an excellent tribute to your father and another memory, along with those in the past, to keep him forever close to you and your family.
Dave,That is the way we all hope to leave. The last word in dignity. Can’t help but recognize how you and family let him do it his way. Best anyone could ask for.
God Speed for your Dad…I’m sorry for your loss, Dave (and family)…
Tenacious dignity, on his own terms, your father was a lucky man. Thank you for sharing and we wish the best for your family.
dear david -ann – would herewith add my condolences – i know how the loss of someone dear affects you – beste greetz
Sounds like he led a full life. From the pictures you included it is apparent you loved him a lot. Take care Dave and it was nice that you took care of him until the end. You were a good son, and believe me he knew it!
He now has the peace he has sought for so long. That you and your family personally endured this bittersweet moment is a testament to your combined strength. I am certain he appreciated it fully. Now, celebrate his life and memory. God Bless all of you.
Sorry for ur lose and god bless
My condolances for you and your family. I wish you all the best in these tough times.
Thanks for sharing the story. The asking for your hand said it all for his Respect and Love for you. Blessed in Life, and in his passing with family all around him. Sad story, but with happy memories to hold on to forever, and until all meet again… My sincere Sympathy to your family, but his ‘pains’ are finished.
So Sorry for your loss.
Thanks for sharing Dave and sorry for your loss.
I enjoy your site and visit daily, but I have enjoyed your writing about your father just as much. A nice tribute to him, and his life.
My best to you and your family Dave – you are good folks.
Beautifully written tribute Dave. You can tell a lot about a father by the way his son lives his own life…your dad must have been a hell of a man.
God Speed , Blessings
I’m sorry for your family’s loss Dave. Thank you for sharing a great write up. I’m sure all of us that visit your site everyday will have you guys in our thoughts.
So sorry for your loss, an excellent tribute to your father, thank you so much for sharing. It was very touching.
Dear Dave and Ann, my condolences to you and the rest of the family. Your tribute to your father was very touching and made me think of my Dad. May the sadness of your father’s passing eases to the relief and joyous celebration of a man’s life and how he touched so many other lives while working at the different companies. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone whom your father touched will relate a great story of how your father helped them in his own way, never boasting about the deed but helping because it was the right thing to do. Savior the memories that you have of the good times and remember the times he caught you doing something you shouldn’t have done.
Mark
Dave and Ann… my condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your March Madness Tournament story. I too only shared that experience with my father the last 3 months of his life so watching it now has very special meaning to me. Hope it will for you as well.
So sorry for your loss. Thanks for showing us the pictures of him in happier times too, always remember the good times.
I am sorry for your loss, but I am so glad he had family with him when he passed on.
Dave and Ann, God Bless and my condolences. It was so tough when my dad left us! Thank goodness they leave us with so many wonderful memories!!!
What a lovely tribute to your dad. You are a good son. My condolences. My dad had a Willys Wagon and that’s what got my brother and I into Jeeps. Here we are 60 years later still following our jeeping passion. Go Zags!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Dave…….our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your entire family. Thank you very much for sharing with us, your journey with your father over the years, but especially these final days and moments. Again, he is surely at peace.
Your Dad was a wonderful man. I pray that you and your family find the PEACE that GOD can provide
My condolences to you and your family. I am sorry for your loss and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry for your loss. My condolences
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family Dave.You are a good son and a good man.
Dave, so glad you could be with your Father as he was to be with his Father in due time. What a blessing to have a great man in your life. All our heart felt prayers and thoughts are with you.
Add me in with everyone else…
Sorry for your loss,Prayers to your Mother and the rest or the Family.
May your Father R.I.P. in Heaven.
David,
No words come to mind any more eloquent than what you wrote, but deepest condolences to you and your family for your loss. Sounds like your father was an amazing man and had a great life.
Mike W.
I’m sorry for your loss. Prayers for your family.
Dave,
My condolences to you and your family. Great tribute. RIP.
Dave, sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking us on this very difficult personal journey of the passing of your father. Your words were were wonderful and helpful to others, both for those who have lost parents and for those who have yet to take that journey. Thank You
Goodbye Karl.
On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered round and gazed in wild wonder at joy they had found. He he.
When a proud man leaves and he holds his son’s hand on the way out. He leaves a Hero! See ya soon Karl.
Ray.
I’m sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.
Nobody gets over dead man’s hill…..but he took his time & showed you how to get over the rocky & rough patches on the way there. Shut it down fer a while. Take some time to grieve. Jeep goes on
Dave, Anne and “MoM”,
A fitting tribute to your father and his asking for your hand tells you he wanted your blessing to go fwith him and I know it did. You and I shared comments about your dad’s health over the past couple of years and I know you were devoted to him and your mother. It is never easy to lose a parent or a child for that matter( i have experience with both) but when they can pass easily we can rest ourselves knowing they went the way they wanted to go.
Lillian and I send our condolences to you and your family and pray that you are comforted in the knowledge he is not suffering any longer.
All the best Dave. Very touching, thanks for sharing your last moments with your dad. He’ free now to do all the pushup he wants with the strength he had in his youth!
We should all be so lucky when our time comes. I know you will miss him.
Nice to know your father from the stories you shared with this big Willys family. My condolences to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss. May those memories of your Dad last forever.
Dave,My sympathy and condolences to you and family.
Nothing any of us can hope for more than a peaceful end surrounded by those that love us…
David,
Przesyłamy wyrazy współczucia dla Ciebie i Rodziny.
Twoja obecność przy Jego przejściu była dla Niego wielką pomocą.
ted z rodziną.
Sorry for the loss of your Dad. He sounds like a great guy. May Gods Peace be with you and your family.
Karl was a great guy. SO happy I got to visit him the last couple weeks. I have the utmost respect for your Father and his sheer determination to the very end. He did it his way. RIP Karl
I’d be remiss if I didn’t say a thank you to the Eilers Family for being part of the formation of the Wandering Willys Jeep Club in 1969. 50 years later still going strong and I would like to think that it’s had a good impact on many, many lives over the years.