Dave forwarded this to me. I know it’s not a jeep, and I haven’t called to see if this ad is for real, but it’s so funny, I don’t care.
2002 Focus – good reliable first car – $2000 (Cape Girardeau)
“Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.
But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?
It’s slow as shit. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do shit. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some shitty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.
It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t fuck it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t fuck up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.
But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a faggot in a Ford Focus.
So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it ”
The only problem with this car & high school kids is it holds 4 people not a good thing. It becomes the car of mass transit. Noticing the small engine the four kids could turn it into a 4-man bob sled and gain ample speed on the down hill. Remember the Olympics’ “speed kills”.
I think for the young driver a half running Junker with poor fuel performance is best.
It will only run half the time and he or she will have to suck up for gas money.
From my experience with kids & cars this is the only & last time you will have some form of cooperation from them as you dangle the keys in front of them.
I don’t disagree with you. And I like your ‘sucking’ up strategy in regards to the poor fuel performance. Fortunately (or unfortunately?), my kids have plans to travel and go to college. I think they’ll be sucking up for a while …
Lol…..My first ride was a V-8 powered flattie!……And I’m still messin with it 16 years later…..
My Dad’s CJ-5 was my first vehicle (dad was pretty much out of jeeping by the time I started driving it). The Chev 350 had plenty of power, but dad built it so heavy that there was plenty of weight to keep it from accelerating too quickly. With four loops (and additional supports) the roll cage could likely survive a fall from an airplane.
The one tricky part of his jeep was the hurst equipped side shifting 4-speed top loader, which, for a new driver, was a big hurdle to learn. The distance between shifting up to reverse and shifting up to 3rd gear was about two hairs wide, with those two hairs separated by the shift up to 1st gear.
After I built my first jeep, I tore dad’s jeep apart to start another jeep build for my sister — but, that build didn’t get any farther than tearing it apart and selling off the parts.
I can remember jeeping with your folks…..But I was pretty young still when they dropped out of the club…